Picture update, well sort of

I'm realizing that I haven't been taking many pictures of the kids the last two years.  Not all of these are the most recent, but it's what I've got.  I think I better get to taking pictures of these great children more often.                                                                          Here's our toothless beauty.  She is so vibrant and sunshiny!  What a bright spot she is in our lives here.  So sweet, but don't be fooled there is plenty of spunk behind that darling face!  We sure adore her!

 Our goofy Luke!  He's 4 1/2 and quite the personality to go with it.  His favorite color is orange.  We have finally gotten past the phase of him having to wear orange every.single.day.  Including an orange tie for Sundays.  It's still fun!  He's very independent, and has plenty scrapes and bruises to prove it.

This is a super charged little boy.  He is most often found acting like a cat or a puppy.  So this Halloween outfit was perfect for him.  He wears me out each and every day, but what a great feeling it is when you come home to the most excited boy with the sweetest greetings for all.

 Our Cameron was baptized about half a year ago.  But since we aren't counting the months here, I thought it was appropriate to include this special day for this terrific guy.  He's spunky, loving, bright, and a good friend.  I am so happy that my "birthday present"  still loves to be called that.  He is surely eight, but he is more than great!

Had to put one in with me.  I often forget to get in the pictures with my kids so that they can see Momma when they grow up.  Please oh please don't grow too fast. (Well, that's how I feel today at least.  Other days I might want them to grow a little faster.  But truly, just grow at the right rate.  Not too fast and not too slow.)

Well, for being the oldest, Ethan is receiving the least amount of pictures, as of late.  What a giant of wonder this boy is.  He's proud of his 5'1 3/4".  He LOVES to read.  I never, ever thought I would have to tell my children that they needed to stop reading.  With this guy, I say it all the time.  He would rather be reading than anything else...except maybe eat.  Then again, I think he'd rather do both at the same time.  Ethan is a silly jokester with a quick wit.  He definitely did not get that from me!  What a fun boy he is.  I am thankful that he is often a good example in our family and my right hand man many times.

Family Time

So, I believe that family outings are supposed to be fun.!?  Well, for our family they are....if you overlook the crying, fighting, and whining.  The Williams family went bowling on Saturday.  Wow! 

First of all, we wanted the children to do some cleaning before we left.  That was like pulling teeth, and we have had some teeth fall out recently!  There is crying, tears, screaming, and blood (blood for the actual teeth not the cleaning).  The cleaning was arduous, but it was done nevertheless.  Then we went to the bowling ally.  The kids were trying so hard to figure out the surprise.  I think it worked.  They were excited!

We began to bowl and there was so much excitement.  Our biggest problem was Aaron wanting to bowl EVERY turn.  He was so difficult to handle, but when he did get a turn there was jumping, smiles, "Wahoo"s, and high fives.  That part was adorable, but on his long waits in between were quite the opposite.

 I wish I had taken the camera.  It was hilarious to see these kids.  Ethan really tried to use his muscles, and later on got much better.  Sometimes the ball wouldn't even touch the bumpers.  Cameron had a Happy Gilmore approach to bowling.  He would run as fast as he could towards the lane and throw the ball as he slid on his knees.  It was so funny, but it worked for him.  He has a natural athleticism, albeit crazy in nature.  Laurel was so proud of herself on her first strike (she had a few!).  She was all smiles and shouts!  The couple next to us seemed to be amused with her too.  Luke and Aaron shared a turn.  They used the ball guides, and even won!  It was a success all around.  Then Walt said we had another set.  What!

It took a long time to get through a round of bowling with all seven of us, but we did it!  We did two! I hope that the kids remember the good parts.  The strikes, spares, jumping, smiling, pizza, root beer, bowling shoes, and loving parents.  I hope they don't remember the constant plea to sit, Aaron's wailing, and how long it seemed we were there.  I guess I hope that someday I remember all the perfect parts of the trip, and that the more difficult parts fade.  Altogether it was worthwhile.  It will just take Walt and I a little while before we get the courage up again to take the kids on a new adventure.

Loss

(Orginal post was written April 1, 2011.  Blogger wouldn't work.  Apparently it was saved some how. Today I found this post. I add it only for my own benefit. I need to keep it. I need to remember that I loved so deeply; that I grieved greatly. If anyone else ever reads this, be assured my faith is strong even when I feel weak.)

My heart is heavy and broken.  I can barely breathe.  My head keeps racing wondering if yesterday was just a horrible dream.  On top of it all my arms will be empty this fall.  There will be no sweet baby to hold and kiss.  No light hairs smelling of shampoo tickling my nose.  No wailing of strong lungs to pacify with my love.

My baby is gone.  The baby who gave me hope through the thunderstorm of my current life.  For just a few weeks I had sunshine!  My troubles were mere pebbles in the path when I would think upon that little life growing within me.

So my dear baby, please know how desperately you were wanted.  How your existance changed me.  I cling to my faith in my Heavenly Father.  The comfort comes when I imagine you with Him.  Now I will have to live so that I am worthy of you; to see you again.  I know that families can be together forever, and through the blessings of the temple and the Atonement of our Savior you will be mine.  It will not be as I have imagined.  No.  It will likely be something far better than this mortal brain can conjure, but deep in my heart I know you.  To all the world it will look as if I have never had you, but in my heart you will always be.  I am your mother, you will not be forgotten.  I love you little one.



Februrary 2, 2012 (Added to note) 
Oh!  Reading this has flooded my memory of that day.  My eyes were sore as were my sweet Walter's.  Those days were among some of the hardest of my life.  But from that and many more experiences resulting from my miscarriage I have been taught from on High.  I know my Savior lives!  I know that from difficult things we can be lifted up, healed, and bring new meaning to our lives.  I was able to let go of the house after this.  It was just a thing, but leaving that baby was more difficult than leaving behind a dream or wish for my life. 

Life is ever changing.  Some changes are welcome vistas, others small bumps, but there will also be devastation.  It is how we handle these changes that make who we are.  I know for me, that prayer has brought me through.  I give praise and glory to God for his mavelous works and wonders.  I have every confidence that I will make it through this tumultous life if I but cling to my Savior.  I am so grateful for life's bounteous blessings and even the most difficult trials.  I am being purified and polished.  That I am sure of.

Back in the saddle again

I have written many posts this last year.  Yes, it's been a year since my last post ACTUALLY posted.  I'm excited.  That last year was full.  I am sad that I lost so much of my thoughts to the black hole of blogger!

2011:
Jan:  Walt had a birthday
         We really got nervous about whether our home would sell in time
Feb: We found out that I was pregnant (we were so excited)
Mar: Drove to Utah to check it out, and see some houses.
         We lost the baby in a miscarriage (we prayed a lot)
Apr:  We got an offer on our house
May: We found a house online that we wanted and put an offer to buy without seeing it in person
          Laurel turned 6, and she had a "Fancy Nancy" birthday party (so fitting!)
          I flew to Utah, and was there for only 16 hours to make sure that I actually wanted the house
          Walt and I got away to Florida for a few days (Thanks to my sister, Andrea!!!!)
Jun: My mom and dad came up to Washington to help us move
      The kids finished up school
       We moved the next day
      We closed on the sale of our Washington house, and signed our lives away to a new one in Utah
Jul: Walt worked from home while waiting for the completion of Sawtooth's office remodel
       Aaron turned 2!
     My parents were with us through most of the month (they get parents of the year award from us!)
Aug: Cameron (and I) had a birthday!  He turned 8!
          Went to Vernal, UT to check out the dinosaur fossils.  Our only vacation in the summer.
         The kids started school, with exactly 2 months of vacation.
Sep:  Cameron was baptized!  My parents, Walt's parents, and Walt's brother, Craig's family were  able to attend.
         Luke turned 4!!
         Then I FINALLY potty trained him.  It was me not ready to do it, not him.  He was amazing!
         Walt applied for a Master's Program through Northwestern University.
Oct:  Ethan turned 10 and hit 5' 1" about the same time.
         Halloween was fun.  2 Darth Vaders, a Lego Ninja, a pumpkin, a pirate, and a puppy dog!  I was tired and didn't dress up this year.
Nov: Walt was accepted to the Master's Program!!!
         Thanksgiving at our home with Craig's family and Walt's parents.  Our niece Courtney even showed up!  It was fun to have everyone here.
Dec:  Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!!  It was busy and fun.  We celebrated the birth of our Savior!

Wow!  These are just the most memorable things that happened during our year last year.  Again it was a year of emotion.  We are stronger and better for it.  Our faith has deepened, and our love has been woven stronger.  We are grateful for the prayers said on our behalf, and the great out pouring of love from all those around us (especially our families).  2012 has already been here for over a month, but I feel it will be a good one.  There will be hard times, but I hope it's all the good stuff I remember most!

I will be working on getting some current pictures up soon.  That is the real intent of this blog is to provide my mother with current pictures of my children.  I have failed in that mission, but I am excited to be sharing again.

Time

Walt and I have been talking about where the time has gone. I realize that time truly is constant, but our perception of it's passing can be so different. Sometimes it goes too fast, and other times it seems far too slow. This last year has been one that has both been too slow and too fast. Our children are growing faster than we can keep up with. Waiting for change has been terribly slow. Soaking in every precious moment has been delightful. There has been much time spent on my knees. Far too little time crafting or reading for me. Cleaning seems to be what most of my day revolves around. But the love in my heart is constant for the blessings of my home, family and testimony. Life is going, and the time passing. I hope that I am better for it.

Joyful

Well, here it is! The family picture for 2010. I thought that we would probably forgo the picture taking for the entire family this year, as my dearest and talented friend moved this summer. I had not put too much (but just a little) thought into how we might get a picture when another wonderful friend called and offered for her husband to take our picture. Love that! An answer to an unspoken prayer!

I have so much in my heart at this time. It has been a truly difficult and heart breaking year for Walt and I, but I am indeed grateful for so many blessings in our lives.

I am thankful for a husband who is brave enough to love me in my entirety. A whirling ball of emotion in the way of my life. I feel things so deeply: sadness, compassion, anger, love, and joy. I'm glad that Walt is ever loving and truly knows me best and is encouraging. He is my best friend...forever. Hooray for that, FOREVER!

I am also grateful for this trying time in my life, for it has shown me where I am weak and where I am stronger than I ever knew. I have fully relied upon my testimony of the Savior. While I have felt pain and grief, it is He who has borne all pain and grief and can best comfort my soul. My heart is constantly swelling within me to feel the mightily love of my Father in Heaven. I know he is there. He is evident in all that surrounds me. The beauty of the earth, the sweet faces of my children, and the beautiful music of this Christmas time.

I am striving this Christmas to seek the Spirit of Christ. I am ever seeking to be like the Savior, but with each passing year I gain new understanding and recommit myself to celebrate His birth and life and not just go through the motions. "Joy to the World! The Lord is come." Let us truly receive Him, and let His love and atonement heal our pains and glory in our gladness.

My Luke!

Just a few words about Lucas. He turned 3 at the beginning of September. He is adorable and difficult all rolled into one. He is FIERCELY independent, but loves to be doted on. He is a bundle of opposites; he is a toddler turning big boy.

Now that the three oldest kids are in school, he is just loving "his" time. About a week or so ago, as soon as Laurel got on the bus, he turned and hugged me tight and said, "My mom!" I replied, "My Luke!" That has been an ongoing sweet moment with him nearly everyday. Now daddy has joined in on the fun and Luke will say, "My dad!" But ever so often he will tease Walt and say, "My mom!"

The child is just in the last 6 months starting to really talk. Sometimes he just won't say the simplest of words, but then something like, "That tastes disgusting," will exit his mouth. No, "I'm sorry," or "I love you," but "Where's daddy? He at work? He come home now." Although, he doesn't say, "I love you," he does say it and show it in his own way.

I love you, my boy! You are something else, but we love you for it! You are going to be an amazing man, but not too soon...I am enjoying my Luke for now.